Bribes and Competition
by XxEijibabyxX
Summary: L has a little deal for Mello and Near. They have to compete in a game to get what he promises them. A death note short story :
1. The contest

Bribes and Competition

* * *

"That's the third time, what the hell!" Near shouted angrily as his house of cards dispersed across the floor.

"It's not my fault you like to play with toys right in the middle of the floor!" Mello retorted, taking another bite of his chocolate bar. L dropped the last sugar cube into his coffee before spinning around in his chair to face them.

"Look, your constant bickering is getting us no where so either you shut up before Kira kills gram gram or get the hell out of my skyscraper!" L said, the aggravation in his normally calm tone was clearly evident. Both glared at each other, then Near began constructing again while Mello devoured the last of his chocolate.

"Just use superglue then it would never fall and you can stop bitching." Mello commented.

"Why don't you go shove your face in some chocolate and leave it there!"

"Why don't you stop breathing!" L was tired of trying to work over them. He had to find a way to occupy them. Bribery. Yes Bribery. What else is easier and more entertaining? He spun around cheerfully.

"Ok I have a proposal. Either you leave and go deal with that old asshole Roger, or partake in a small contest."

"And what do we get out of it?" Mello asked curiously. Near stopped building to listen as well.

"Mello, I will supply you with an ample amount of chocolate bars. As for Near, I will supply you with everything on your toy list." They both lit up and a smirk spread across each of their faces. L beckoned Watari over. "Watari," he whispered, "Take them to the living room. Everything is still set up from Friday night." Watari nodded and took them down the hall.

"I'm going to kick your ass sheep!"

"Keep dreaming second place."

"You're going down hard."

"JOKES!"

They approached a large door which led to the large living room. Much space was left in between the television and sofa. And there, right in the middle were two dance pads.

"You've got to be kidding me." Mello said seeming disappointed at first. Then he smiled. "This will be a cake walk! Matt and I play this all the time!" Confidently he took his place while Near only recalled playing once before. Then he reassured himself that it was only DDR...how hard could it be? Watari left the settings from the last time. Just as the arrows appeared he realized it was stuck on heavy, the hardest mode. He had never seen them move so fast. Feet were flying. They were jumping and stomping in every direction. And of course it was stuck on the longest song. _L and Light must have had an insane dance off... _Watari thought.

When the third round ended, Mello stumbled onto the sofa while Near sprawled onto the floor. Watari pressed end on the video camera.

"I won...I...I definitely won. You missed like every arrow." Mello said breathlessly.

"Jokes!"

A virtual crowd cheered in the background, then the scores were revealed...

TIE!

:) Round two? If I decide to do a round two, should it still be DDR or should I do something else?


	2. It's on

Bribes and Competition Part 2 bitches ;D

"What!" The two enemies shouted simultaneously. Watari chuckled as L casually walked in and accompanied Mello on the little sofa.

"Hmm...interesting. However, I'm still not convinced enough. You two always come so ridiculously close, so I've taken the liberty of preparing another task for you." L explained, slightly amused. Mello rolled his eyes in reluctance but craved more chocolate. He could taste it melting on his tongue already. Sheep wasn't going to beat him. No not this time. Near couldn't resist the smirk that spread across his pale face. he was always first. Pssh the day this Mr. Willy Wonka wanna-be won. L held up two pieces of paper in between his index finger and thumb, and handed one to each of them. "This is a list I've prepared. You are to go on a scavenger hunt. Whoever can do the most things on there and earn the most points, wins. Oh, and I've enhanced the prizes. Near, I will take you on a limitless shopping spree at Toys R' Us," Near's thoughts raced. The whole store! His chance to get the new Optimus Prime! "As for Mello, I will buy out Willy Wonka. You can have unlimited chocolate forever." Mello could have died right there. His whole life would be complete. "Now, you may begin whenever you are ready. Transportation will not be provided by Watari or myself. Oh, and meet back at this building at midnight."

Mello nearly ran to the ground floor of the building. He wondered on his way down how much of a fool he and Near must look like on the security cameras. Oh well that didn't matter. What mattered was every bit of chocolate that would last him until death. Finally reaching his motorcycle, Mello leaned up against the wall and looked over the list semi ready with his helmet tucked under his other arm. There were several point categories ranging from ten to fifty points. And as the points got higher, the things to do got more illegal. Mello's mouth dropped in the first ten seconds.

"I'm probably going to regret this," he said slipping the piece of paper into his jacket pocket, "but god damn it's worth every crime." Mello sped off gladly taking a head start.

-MEANWHILE-

Near waited on the front steps only minutes after Mello's departure. He didn't bother rushing, and decided to call for transportation while he slowly walked to the first floor. Lester didn't sound too excited on the phone. Near heard the reluctance in his voice as he reached for the car keys. Why should he have to drive some kid around the city to do stupid (but really fun) things that might get him arrested (or worse)? But Lester automatically lightened up when Near promised no tea parties for a month. While waiting Near decided to read over and get an idea of which places he could go to.

"Are you serious? L what were you on when you wrote this?" Near thought quietly. Who knows they were probably Kira's ideas too. He _would _be the one to set up this little game to get them both arrested so that he could finally end them and conquer the world once and for all. All he had to do was switch the real list with this one.

No. Light had been at Abercrombie and Fitch all weekend modeling. Near recoiled at the thought of that. Oh well, Light was on everyone's shit list for being so damn shady about everything. Near's thoughts were interrupted when Lester pulled up. He shoved the list into his pocket and climbed in.

"Where are we going?" Lester asked with an expression that clearly said "This is a really dumb idea."

"To Walmart please." Near said. Lester looked in his rearview mirror for a split second to study the mischievous smile on his face. Near? In Walmart? Of all places. He might not have gotten a head start but they had the whole afternoon and he had a feeling it was going to be a lot of fun.


	3. The Finale

**Bribes and Competition Part 2 continued...The Finale**

By 3 O'Clock Mello and Near had finished off the 5 and 10 point category and kept moving up. Mello crossed out each activity he did and tried to keep a score value in his head. So far he had:

_Take a picture with a police officer in uniform. _(Not that hard, he knew a few.)

_Help an old person across the street. _(Damn old people.)

_Steal a street sign. _(Mecouch Lane. Lolwut)

_Pants someone. _(He made sure to run like hell first before dying of laughter.)

_Flip off a family in a car. _(The looks on their faces!)

And last but not least on the 5 point list giving him thirty points:

_Call a scene kid a faggot. (_Not much of a problem. He made fun of Near all the time.)

Not bad, but he had to do better. So then he moved down and counted everything on the 10 point list.

_Go into a pool without the person knowing. _(Pool hopping? Piece of cake.)

_Eat a raw egg. _(Matt watched and questioned him but Mello only made a face at the disgusting taste and ran out the door before he could say anything.)

_Follow someone and sing a whole song to them. _(Three tries later someone was nice enough to listen through his horrible singing.)

_Steal a bumper sticker. _(Sorry Matt)

_Apply eyeliner for the whole game._

_Bump through a ghetto neighborhood to Taylor Swift at max volume. _(The mafia was definitely going to hear about this one.)

And that gave him another sixty points totaling ninety. Shaking his head Mello drove to the one place where he was almost sure would get him the most points in the least amount of time. As for Near, he already hit up a few restaurants, a park, Wawa, and the SPK office. Rester (accidentally said Lester in chapter 1) pleaded for them to stop for a moment so he could rest from frantically running around. Near took the time to compile his points. He curled up his legs as usual and counted them carefully.

_Get slapped in the face with a handful of soap. _(Rester didn't bother to ask.)

_Go to a store and fill a cart to the top with useless crap and leave it there. Minimum of 15 items, cart has to overflow, and no item can be over seven dollars._

_Ask for a big mac at taco bell. _(Well, they weren't going there for a while.)

_Steal a garden gnome. _(Does a statue count? Oh well does now.)

_Take a pregnancy test. _(Hey, it's the points that count!)

_Get a temporary tattoo on your face _(A little heart on his right cheek.)

_Take a picture with a cute baby. _(No it's not creepy when someone random walks up and says "Hey I need a picture of your kid for a game." No questions asked.)

Near was satisfied with his thirty five points. But he smiled even more as the numbers kept rising.

_Light off two fireworks. _(Mello won't mind)

_Eat a handful of dirt. _(Think of how badly you want something and what you'd do for it.)

_Steal a traffic cone. _(Good thing the road was covered in them after that accident O.O)

_Shoplift something. _(Legos!)

_Get 50 cents of gas _(The guy was definitely pissed)

_Light a candle and pour hot wax on your hand _(New battle scar!)

_Apply eyeliner for the whole game _(Not that he needs it or anything...)

_Get an Asian person to sign your arm._

Which left near at 115? He was dominating now. Overconfidence isn't necessarily a good thing though. It was still a long way from midnight. "Rester. Walmart. Now. LETS GO." Near said deviously, jumping up with determination. Rester sighed and took him all the way to the nearest Walmart which they didn't get to go to yet because Near concluded that they would spend the most time there. So off they went to Walfart. At least it wasn't during the night shift.

Mello decided that time couldn't wait so he pushed down further on the gas peddle, thinking maybe it would help him accomplish more in less time. Little did he know he was already behind and had to do more extreme stuff to top it. He nearly crashed into two cars, hardly slowing down to park, then slammed the breaks. He expertly jumped off the bike and literally started running towards the store. But who cares, there are a lot of crazy people at Walmart.

For some reason a rather large woman greeter sitting by the front doors gave Mello an odd look. She must have seen Near to and suspected that they were up to no good.

"Hey! How are you? We haven't talked in so long!" Mello said enthusiastically. She didn't bother to call security over or anything.

"Excuse me? Have I met you before young man?" She asked concentrating on his appearance, obviously confused.

"Yes, I was over for dinner last week remember?" He said planning to cut the conversation in less than a minute.

"No not at all...actually I don't believe we've ever met." She replied. But before she could ask his name, Mello assured her he had to leave. _Easy 20 points._ He thought. Afterwards, while riding to electronics on a motorized cart he slapped a lady's ass, smoked one of Matt's cigarettes in the store, and took a picture with an obese woman. That gave him 75 more. When he made it to the gaming consoles and video games, he noticed another kid observing the Dance Dance Revolution game set up.

"Hey want to play for one round?" Mello asked desperately hoping he'd say yes. Luckily the boy did and that gave Mello another 20 points. Suddenly when the game ended, he turned around to see two familiar faces. Life savers swung back and forth, both possessed by Near and Rester. 15 points for Near. When he caught a glimpse of Mello both stopped briefly.

"Getting tired yet? You should give up now." Near said pointing the life saver at him. Something was different about him. He was missing most of the hair on his body.

"What did someone sheer your wool? Never. Not this time." Mello proceeded to walk away and flirt with a cashier serving food. The goal was to get free food in exchange for a date. It took a few minutes but the task was a success and it earned him another 20 points. Near topped the night off by dining and dashing, getting flashed by a girl, and running through McDonald's screaming "The British are coming!"

The charcoal sky consumed all daylight and the both of them returned to the skyscraper where they started. L and Watari could be heard talking from down the hall.

"Do you really think they did any of that?" Watari asked L.

"Of course. Do you recall how eagerly they left? I'd be surprised if neither of them got arrested by now." L replied seeming amused.

"Oh you're terrible. They should be arriving at any moment." Just as Watari said that they heard the faint sound of the elevator opening and footsteps growing louder. L spun around just as they reached the doorway. They tried to appear calm and composed as they handed over their papers to L and Watari. However, Near ended up sprawled across the floor and Mello on the couch. Their hearts pounded so loud they felt as if it was clearly audible to the whole city.

An endless supply of chocolate...

An endless supply of toys...

Something both of them had no greater desire for.

"Well, this is interesting," L finally said after what felt like a lifetime. "Not only did you both manage not to get arrested, but the outcome was not as good as I expected."

At this point they were about to call it even and just resume life but they had to find out. Even if they tied.

"It is true," Watari explained further "I expected greater results too. Near, your score came to a total of 270 points. As for Mello, 265." Even though Mello was beyond pissed about being second to Near...again, what hurt even more was his distance from the only other thing he wanted. It felt like he was chasing a mirage, and Near somehow surpassed him. So close, but so far away. Every time.

Near sat up. "What now Wonka?" He asked rhetorically. Near turned his attention to L. "So...how are we gonna do this?"

"Do what?" L asked as if none of the night's events had occurred. Near looked puzzled.

"The promise you made. Can we go tomorrow? Or maybe tonight? Are they still open? I could have sworn Toys R Us was open all the time." He said reassuringly. L only laughed. His whole plan went perfectly.

"I only did that so you two would stop bickering for once. I don't own and toy stores or factories to just hand over. Even if I did, I have my own needs as well. I can't believe you followed through with this though!" L explained, still scanning over their papers.

"Well, I'm leaving, and never listening to you ever again." Mello said and walked out the door. Of course he didn't mean it. He had no choice but to listen to L, he was one of his successors. As for Near, he was at a loss for words. Andddd no one really cares about Near so you can be creative and decide what happens next :)

-Meanwhile at home-

Mello caught Matt's attention as he entered the apartment. This caused Matt to set down his handheld game for a moment and question him.

"Where have you been for the past few hours? You never tell me anything." Matt said. His eyes followed Mello into the kitchen.

"You don't even want to know. I actually believed him. He tempted me with chocolate!" Mello replied, aimlessly searching for something to eat.

"Who?" Was all Matt could say. None of this made sense to him.

"L! He sent me and Near out on this crazy scavenger hunt and I could have gotten arrested but he doesn't care. It was for his own amusement and I even came second to Near...again. That damn sheep!" With nothing else in mind he grabbed a chocolate bar from one of several boxes lying on the floor.

"Oh...I don't even want to know. He'll probably blog about it and how his life sucks now that he doesn't have an endless supply of three year old toys. Or whatever he does."

**THE END**


End file.
